Top Ten Politically Correct Christmas Carols

10.  "O Holiday Tree"

9.  "Have Yourself a Merry Little Day of Winter"

8.  "Frosty the Snowperson"

7.  "Chestnuts Roasting on a Safely Contained, Continuously Monitored, Eco-Friendly, Nontoxic Outdoor Fire (for which I do have a permit)"

6.  "Higher Power Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"

5.  "Grandma Allegedly Got Run Over By an Unidentified Non-Human Perpetrator"

4.  "Deck the Halls with Boughs of Unendangered Foliage (if office policy permits)"

3.  "Hark!  The Herald Mythical Winged Creature Sings"

2.  "I Saw Mommy Greeting Santa Claus with a Purely Platonic Expression of Inoffensive Mutual Affection"

1.  "I'll Be Home for a Short Period of Time in December"